Enemies of America

How did the party of Eisenhower become enemies of America? Do not approve of terrible Ted! Let's not mince words. Ted Cruz sucks.

Woo hoo! Bandits have been stopping by for spa treatments. Now I get to see turkey vultures and black vultures.!

Pastry Rooster

Pastry Rooster

Snake Season

Well it is that time of year again. Snake season.

We had a sudden drop in egg production. The daily take was something like 10, 9, 10, 7, 3, 7, 4, 9.... Very strange. They usually taper off and ramp up.

Fireman Guy was tending the flock when he got a whim to collect the eggs before nightfall. He ran out of the coop screaming "Snaaaaaaake! Snaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!"

Doc was able to talk him down from the tree he climbed and eventually determined that there was a snake in a nest box. It looked something like this:

except that it had FOUR egg bulges.

I handled the snake much like the egg-eating snake from last year.

Ugh! Creepy.

Float Test to Check Egg Freshness

How can you be sure an egg is fresh? You can check your eggs for freshness by doing this easy Float Test.

I had to leave the flock in the care of Doctor Dolittle and Fireman Guy. Naturally, the chickens decided to become 100% productive. The kitchen counter had a mountain of eggs!

Float Test to the rescue!

How to Float Test Eggs

1. Fill a container with more than enough water to completely cover eggs.
2. Gently place eggs in the water and wait for them to mostly stop moving.
3. Look at the eggs.
4. Toss the Floaters!



Floating egg is stale

5. Save the Sinkers!

Fresh eggs sink

Why does this work? To answer this question you need to understand that eggs have an air cell in the large end and that the egg shell is porous. As an egg ages, the air carries away moisture which causes the fluid part to shrink and the air cell to get bigger. Eventually the egg contains so much air that it floats in water. When an egg reaches that stage, it is no longer good to eat.

Doc used the oldest fresh eggs for Perfect Hard Boiled Eggs. Oh the chickeny joy!


Update: This article explains role of pH as well.

New coop for the happy couple

Ah chickeny romance!

Once upon a time, Psycho the feather-pecking pullet, was imprisoned in the newly constructed chicken run. There she lived in tragic isolation, waiting for her prince to arrive and sweep her off her feet.

Then one day, out of the blue, a brightly colored cockerel showed up at her gate. He danced his "Hey Baby" dance. He crowed his crackly Junior crow. He even graciously ran away from Mr. Big when he felt the fence might not be strong enough to hold him back.

As soon as Psycho's gate was opened, Junior made himself at home. He showed her where her food dish was. He scratched up bugs and held them up for her. He even verified the comfort and safety of her roost.

The one thing the happy couple lacked was a cozy chicken coop to call their own. Luckily the new farm hand, Fireman Guy Montag, knew how to drill and caulk.

Guy and I start construction on chickeny love shack

Doc just completed a horse fence project, so we had a lot of salvaged wood. I scrounged up hardware cloth, a 3x5 cement board, and some fence pales.

Guy caulked the gaps

I bought a pre-cut 2x2 treated plywood door from Lowes. Smart move! It is actually square!! This made installing hinges and hanging the door soooooo much easier.

Doc and Guy weatherproofed the coop after this pic

Alone at last!

We furnished the coop with a 2x6 roost, a dog bowl of layer crumbles, a water bottle, and a covered cat box for nesting. Junior liked the roost. Psycho liked the crumbles.

Oh the chickeny joy!

Egg Overload -- Making the Quiche of Awesomeness

We are swimming in eggs. Our backlog is up to 16 dozen and the pullets are not slowing down. The Perfect Hard Boiled Eggs made a dent, but we just could not eat them fast enough. Pro Tip: Peel and eat with a few drops of Cholula Hot Sauce.

But Doc is very resourceful and identified a glorious egg recipe. It was so delicious that I believe I have now experienced the human version of Chickeny Joy that comes from yogurt and oats.

Behold the Quiche of Awesomeness!

Too awesome to wait for pictures

How to Make the Quiche of Awesomeness
Thaw out two bricks of frozen spinach.
Microwave a pound of bacon. Blot and crumble.
Mix 6 eggs, 1.5 cups of heavy cream, a pinch of sea salt, and a quarter teaspoon of pepper in a blender.
Put pie crust dough (Doc used Pillsbury pre-made dough sheet) in a stoneware pie plate.
Add spinach, bacon, and a layer of smoked gouda cheese slices.
Pour the egg mix on top.
Bake for 35 to 45 minutes at 375 degrees.

Oh the bacony joy!

New Chicken Run

My nephews and their friend came down to Texas and  gave me an awesome gift -- a new chicken run!

Doc recently replaced all the horse fences so we had an abundance of used fence posts and wire. Glen chopped down the small forest of weeds in the target location. Russell showed me how to get stubborn staples, nails, and screws out of 15 year old posts. Bon figured out the best way to pull fence wire.

First we set the posts, parallel to the existing pasture fence. I finally got to use my post level. I also learned that very wet cement does not hold posts as firmly as I would like.

Pretty much vertical posts

Then we pulled farm fence wire, stapled it down, and screwed in 2x6 planks to support the top and block the bottom. We tried using a come-along attached to rebar to pull the fence taut, but found that levering it tight with a 2x4 against a post was much more effective.

More important to follow the ground than look pretty

Finally we tied deer netting to the top of the run using baling twine. It was getting late, so we only tied it down in a few places. Another item for my To Do List....

Deer netting to keep hawks out and chickens in

We hazed the flock into the new run. They raced across the open area, full mosey ahead. Once inside, they set to exploring.

Mr. Big leads the inspection crew

They tested the nest box for fit and comfort.

A fine place to lay an egg

And then they settled in for feasting and forage.

A Red, Oreo, and De at dinner

The flock scratched and clucked and ate pellets, crumbles, plants, bugs, and whatever else caught their fancy. Oh the chickeny joy!

UPDATE: The new run has a new coop and a new chicken!

Perfect Hard Boiled Eggs

Oreo and the Reds are in full production, despite the season. Doc and I are swimming in eggs. So we make hard boiled eggs.

Not every egg is perfect. Filthy eggs and ground eggs go straight to the reject bin. We also got one enormous egg from Vo and a tiny "fart egg" from a Red. But until winter sun started cutting in to production, we had a backlog of 10 dozen eggs on the counter.

Vo made the giant egg. A Red made the yolkless "fart egg".

Thanks to aggressive hard-boiled egg consumption, we are down to a more comfortable backlog. In the process, Doc has mastered the art of making the Perfect Hard Boiled Egg.

Even after feasting, we have a big backlog of eggs.

Start with old eggs at room temperature. We use eggs that have been on the counter for just over two weeks. Refrigerated store bought eggs average about 60 days old, so you are fine to boil them after a few minutes of warming on the counter top.


Seven Steps to Perfect Hard Boiled Eggs

1. Clean the eggs to remove any dirt or nastiness that might give them a funky flavor.
2. Fill a pan with room-temperature water. Doc uses a Wok.
3. Add one or two dozen eggs to the water.
4. Turn the stove top to high heat.
5. Set the timer for 15 minutes to get 10-12 minutes of boil time.
6. Place eggs in ice water using a slotted spoon.
7. After 5 minutes, dry and refrigerate.

Hot eggs melted all the ice.

The boil time varies by altitude. To find the right amount of time for your conditions, test your first hard boiled egg before you chill the rest. Chill it for a few seconds and peel it as soon as you can. Cut the egg in half. If the white is solid and the yolk is solid yellow, you have made perfect hard boiled eggs. If the white or yolk is a little runny, they are still soft boiled and you need to let the others boil for another minute or two (be sure to test again). If the yolk is green, you have boiled the eggs too long and the others need to be removed now.

Now it is time to enjoy your hard boiled eggs. They are wonderful as a breakfast sandwich with mayo. They are a delight with marinara and linguine. They are a convenient nutritious snack at any time.

Oh the chickeny joy!

Tis the Season for Chicken Gifts

Here are some gift ideas for you. Oh the chickeny joy!

Chicken toys -> here.

Storey's Guide is the chicken book. 


There is also the Dummies book.



Cool calendar. Get yours today!



Cool sign.


My driveway needs this sign.


I have a metal rooster. Maybe I should get this too?

Chicken Nipples

I know what you are thinking. "Chickens don't have nipples." Not that kind!

Nipples over Red

This is a Chicken Nipple:

My clever Reds and Oreo like water. They poo in it every chance they get. But I am in possession of opposable thumbs and a larger brain, so I set out to eliminate their water pollution situation.

I tried hanging a rabbit waterer in the run. They first used this as little chicks in the fancy brooder cage. Given the chance to peck something semi-new, they pecked at it, got a drop of water, and despite their chickeny astonishment, pecked at it again.

Thus encouraged, I ordered the aforementioned Nipple Waterer kit. I also ordered an 11/32" drill bit to install it. They are supposed to be hard to find, but I found one easily enough: 

It was easy to drill the holes in the bottom of a plastic bucket and suspend the bucket where the chickens could imbibe. The harder part was getting them to drink.

Half of the Reds were smart enough to drink from the nipples.

Smart Reds drink without soiling their water

Oreo fell in with the non-smart Reds. In a later experiment she demonstrated a willingness to die of thirst before she would consider drinking from the water source every other chicken was using.

Dumb looks are free

The rest of the flock preferred to drink the poo tea they made every morning from the fresh water I provided.

They say the fittest shall survive. Yet the unfit may live.

OK, so I got outsmarted by poo-pullets. But at least the flock gets clean water when they have absolutely no other choice.

Pullet Pizza Party

Doc and I had a fierce craving for a vegetarian Margherita Pizza. We raced to the local purveyor of pie and greedily consumed our treat, clucking over the good parts and stuffing ourselves silly.

We took the remaining slices home for the flock. I carefully crept up the to fence and lifted the poultry netting. The birds circled me, screaming for the awesome deliciousness they were sure I would soon provide.

I dropped a slice into the chicken run. They greedily consumed the treat, clucking over the good parts and stuffing themselves silly.

De was a little skeptical at first, but ready to try it.

De starts with the thin end

One of the red pullets moved in to investigate this alien morsel.

"Share" is not a chickeny concept

The rest of the chicks were ferocious. The instantly closed in and stripped the flesh off the pizza, leaving nothing but bones sinking to the bottom of the run.

School of deadly chickens

Pizza carcass, stripped in seconds

It was a grisly sight. But oh, the chickeny joy!

Stink Eye, the Chickeny Look of Disapproval

Chickens are expressive creatures. They let you know when they are content. They let you know when they are frustrated. They let you know when they are hungry.

But when they want you to know they are very displeased with you, they have a special expression. They give you the Stink Eye.

When Vo was forced to test drive the new coop, she expressed her displeasure with being unceremoniously relocated.

How dare you disturb my repose!

The chicks, new to the facial expression thing, looked a little more disappointed than disapproving when the treats did not leap from my hands into their pen.

How could you?

Mr. Big, always vocal with his opinions, was not at all pleased to be pushed away from the yogurt bowl when there might still be a speck or two in there.

Yogurt makes a delicious fashion accessory

Buffy, another vociferous bird, wants nothing more than to be free of all constraints that keep her from anything she desires, such as world domination or fried mealworms.

Preciousssss!

But De is the Queen of the Stink Eye. Mere proximity offends her. I went to close the coop one night and got a full blast from her. I ran like a fraidy cat.

Begone foodless human!

I bet you would have run away too.

Cool white roof

Doc and I, with help from some likely youths, constructed a coop for the chicks. It has wire walls and shade cloth to keep the chicks cool. But with Texas temps going over 100, more thermal control was needed.

We tried a mister. It has worked well, but the soil, dry from 5 inches of rain in 7 months, has gone into stinky decomposition overdrive. And still the birds are slow roasting in the coop....

But my nephew arrived for a visit. Free labor, hooray!

We moved Jailbird Vo and the chicks into the adult pen. Buffy gave them a warm welcome.

Say hello to my little friend

Once the red chicks outnumbered the adults, things got calmer. The chicks liberated the mister and the adults withdrew to the coop to sulk about today's youth and their lack of respect.

Chicks in the mist

With the chicks squared away, we set to work on the roof. The nephew and I mounted ladders and braved the entangling poultry net of doom.

Only a fool would put a poultry net over of roof before painting it. Sadly, I am that fool.

There must be a better way

We used up a can of gummy white primer, sealing holes, covering metal, and sometimes painting the net. An hour on the ladders was all we could stand, so we declared victory and hastened to the house for iced tea.

Not as bad as I feared

We put the chicks back and fed them treats. Oh the chickeny joy!

The white roof cut the coop temperature by 5-10 degrees. Now the hot chicks are cool. Aaaaaaaay!

Mixed up chickens

Jailbird Vo is Mr. Big's very special friend. This entitles her to missing feathers, bare patches of skin, and bloody scabs. The latest prize in her collection is a sprained leg.

Because of the sprained leg, she squawks every time Mr. Big mounts her. He seems oblivious to her discomfort.

Because the new chicks are living in the new coop, I have no good way to safely isolate a chicken. So I juggled the pecking order instead.

I put Vo in the chick coop. She immediately transformed from the docile low bird to a bloodthirsty seeker of power. She explored the coop, sat on the roost, and ate the food. The first chick in the door was an aggressive red who has a habit of attacking other chicks so she can eat fresh feathers.

They squared off, reared their heads back, and tussled in a noisy feathery fury. Since Vo was already injured, I grabbed the red and took her away before the two could do more than cuss vigorously.

When Oreo and the other reds arrived, Vo was careful to give each one a peck or two or twelve. By sunset, I had to scoot Vo to one end of the roost, ceding her hard-won territory to the terrified chicks.

I placed the aggressive red chick in the adult coop. She went from alpha chick to lowly intruder in just a few heartbeats. She immediately set about trying to hide from the furious Buffy.

With the unsettled pecking order, bedtime is a noisy affair. Mr. Big and Buffy shrilly protest the presence of the interloper. The red chicks cluck their terror of the big bad battle-scarred veteran sitting on their roost.

I can hardly wait for Vo to finish healing.

Hot Chicks

The Texas heat has been living up to its reputation. I have tried passive cooling for the chickens, but as the temps go over 100, I have to take action.

Enter the Mister. This doodad attaches to a hose and allows the water to slowly escape as a fine mist, purportedly reducing the temperature by 20 degrees.

Even a little pressure makes a cooling mist

To entice the chicks into soaking range, Doc and I placed chick pellets near the mister. The moist pellets were a big hit. The chicks consumed them with relish (the attitude, not the condiment).

Moist pellets are our favorite!

Some of the chicks loved it. Some were less than thrilled.

I feel pretty

You will pay dearly for this indignity

To entice the adults into the misting area, we removed the barrier between the chicken runs. Mr. Big was the first to arrive. Oreo took the opportunity to say "Hi Dad".

Oreo, Mr. Big, and mist rainbow

Rather than rely on the wind, I set up a second mister in the adult run. The adults were a little less sanguine about the mist, but much happier with the damp soil.

Mr. Big and Buffy mud bathing 

The mister was a big success! It used very little water and made a cool spot in the chicken runs. When the sun got to be too much for me, I went to stand in the mist too.

I am going to save this memory for winter....

Oreo and the red chicks are growing

Oreo hatched from an egg that had been intended for breakfast. Confronted with the reality of a live chick, Doc and I realized we were still unprepared and raced out to Tractor Supply to get some last minute chick doodads, and inevitably, more chicks.

Oreo, newly hatched

Ten days later, we let the gang out into the tractor, with adult supervision. Oreo and the reds were utterly adorable with their little wing feathers and fuzz.

Adorable at 10 days

At about three weeks, Oreo was the cutest chick in an awkward bunch. One red looked like a vulture.

Three weeks and awkward

Oreo looks like a real chicken at 7 weeks. Her red comrades seem to have feathered out nicely as well.

7 weeks with nice feathers

Oreo and the red girls are looking like proper young ladies at 11 weeks. They work together to patrol their run, protecting it from lizards, bugs, and amazingly delicious seeds that mysteriously fall from the sky when I am near.

11 weeks and full of themselves

Some time in the next three months we will have to build nest boxes. Oh the chickeny joy!

Silly Egg Picture

These pictures were posted on Reddit.

Posted by Baator

Response by danthemanhan